mycroftisthequeen:

coolator:

tastefullyoffensive:

I love the look on his face when he gets to the smallest one.

FUCK OFF

I SHOWED THIS TO MY MOM AND SHE STARED AT IT FOR TEN MINUTES TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT AND FINALLY LOOKED UP AT ME AND JUST WENT ‘FUCK YOU’

muriday:

SPOILED WHITE KIDS WHO SAY THEIR LIFE IS SO HARD WHEN YOU AS A MATTER OF FACT KNOW THEYRE SUPER FUCKING CATERED TO

  • Baby: M-m
  • Mom: Mama?
  • Baby: The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

eremikadefensesquad:

Animal Crossing: Where you can carry 16 Whale Sharks in your pocket, but not 17 Ants.

matthewszayumbae:

hayesbae:

magconboyzx:

xxarcane:

youremybrandnewday:

sp0tlessmiind:

tiptreecrossing:

livingmywayeveryday:

vickified:

If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?

lol yes, so then i can shave.

     One minute, 37 seconds.
     My legs are shaking. Holy cow, there is no way I can do this. None.
     One minute, 29 secods.
     I glance around at the faces surrounding the room. Of course my Meeting would take place in the gross, overcrowded cafeteria.
     One minute, six seconds.
     Somewhere within these four walls, someone has the exact same countdown on their wrist. They’re going through the exact same pressure as me.
      54 seconds.
     Mom said I should be excited, not nervous. Yet I still find myself wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I can’t believe she talked me into wearing a dress. I mean, shouldn’t  my Soul Mate meet me as I normally am? All plain jeans, blah shirts, and wild brown curls?
     30 seconds.
     Something deep within me tells me to stand up. I do, drawing the attention of my tablemates. They all know too. They smile encouragingly up at me. I chew my lip nervously.
     25 seconds.
     That same feeling pulls me towards the center of the room. My stomach drops away from me as I take a step in that direction.
     20 seconds.
     I continue in that direction. With each step the tempo of my heart picks up.
     19. Faster.
     18. Quicker.
     17. More rapid.
     16.  It’s racing.
     Oh my god this is it. The moment my life changes forever.
     My eyes search frantically around the cafeteria, searching for someone who looks as nervous as me. For someone who’s heading towards their future with no sense of direction like me.
     10 seconds.
     The feeling directs me slightly to the left. I turn to accomodate.
     5. My heart has given up entirely.
     4. I stop walking.
     3. Just waiting left.
     2. Everything is about to change.
     1. Deep breath.

     0000 d 00 h  00 m  00 s

     Someone bumps my shoulder. I twirl around and my gray eyes meet blue, blue ones.
     “Hello there, love. It appears as though we’re Soul Mates then, eh?”
     As my words fail me, the only thing I can think is “I’m so glad I shaved this morning.”

“Thats weird…” I checked my wrist, the clock had just hit the 30 second mark but I looked around and there was no one there. I was a worrisome guy overall but I felt justified, I mean today was the day I was meeting my soul mate. Not that I expected my dream girl to be in the storage closet at work but still I was nervous. 

Walking out with a box the boss had requested I walked back to my cash register setting it on the shelf. My wrist hit the 20 second mark

19 seconds

18 seconds

Where was she? I could not help but get worried that an error would pop up or that she was gone and my timer would run out with no response. I panicked, I’d change my own fate if I had to. Running out of time I hurried through the back door. There was a park outside and maybe I was supposed to be there to find my soul mate. 

10 seconds

9 seconds

A faint ding of the doorbell hit my ear. Wait was that it?? She was here! I turned around running back to the counter. “Don’t worry I’m just in the back!”

I ran out looking at my wrist as it hit zero. Out of breath “Hi I’m Matt!” Sticking out my hand for a handshake it was met by a firm hand. Meeting my soulmate’s eyes for the first time they spoke. 

“I’m Steven.” The man gave a smile “It’s nice to meet you.” 

 I watch my friend carefully. Her excitement is glowing all over her pretty face. Exactly 2 minutes left, she tells me. We’re waiting at the bus stop and the bus is coming in two minutes. I think she hoped she’d meet them on a beach at sunset or something.
 ”I mean that’s ok - these things can’t always be romantic I mean my mum met dad when he was working at the book store and it’s not like you can plan it to be romantic I just hoped, I mean everyone hopes don’t they-” she breaks off, looking at me awkwardly. “Sorry. It’s just a big day for me you know.” Yes I do know. You’ve been going on about it for the past year. I smile at her.
 ”Don’t worry. You nervous? You’ll be ok, you always are,” I grin, determined not to ruin this for her. It’s selfish of me to be moody. This is her future being determined. Right here. In now, precisely 1 minute 30 seconds.
 She smiles at me, but it isn’t quite reaching her eyes. She’s restless and keeps tapping her foot. Her eyes are wide with.. fear? Excitement? Nerves? Probably all of them and a thousand more things I can’t imagine. She keeps checking her wrist. So do I. The bus comes around the corner. 1 minute 10 seconds.
 ”Hey. I’ll leave you alone now ok? The bus is here. I’ll sit a couple of seats away, and be there if you need me,” I say, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Good luck.” I hope it sounded sincere.

 The bus pulls up and I climb on first, taking a quick glance at her while I give the driver my ticket. She’s shaking and looks a little green. I want to give her a hug but know I shouldn’t interrupt now. I look at the passengers and it’s full of pensioners. My heart starts beating frantically. What? I can’t see anyone else at the bus stop. But she’s only 18, she can’t end up with a 80 year old. 
 I turn around and look at her - she’s breathing hard. The bus driver asks if she’s ok but she ignores him. Her eyebrows are creased and her face is flushed. Oh. Oh no. Stay calm. Someone is probably late. I give her a thumbs up and try to smile reassuringly. I think it’s more of a grimace.

 I take a seat near the back. Look at my watch. 25 seconds. She sits down a few seats away.

 Suddenly a dark shape runs past my window and a boy jumps on the bus. He has that same frantic look in his eyes. I breathe out with relief.
 ”Yeah get on, we’re running late,” the driver says, taking his ticket. The boy looks around, carefully stepping towards the seats. He’s tall and handsome, holding a sketchbook. I smile slightly; my friend hates art.
 4 seconds
 He spots her.
 3 seconds
 His eyes widen as he walks closer, as if being pulled by an invisible rope.
 2 seconds
 My friend stands up too, that same rope tying her to him.
 1 second -
 ”I was worried the bus would leave. No way could I miss meeting my soul mate!” he jokes, though he looks just as nervous as she. They smile at each other as they both sit down together. I can’t hear what they’re talking about.

 I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Suddenly I’m crying. Hot tears dropping down my cheeks.

 I look at my wrist, scratching at it. Trying to get rid of it. 

 The numbers have never changed.

 They’ve always been at 0.

Oh my god that last one…. My heart… The feels….

AGH ALL OF YOU WRITE A BOOK THIS VERY INSTANT. PLEASE.

this is beautiful and everyone needs to read it

I tapped furiously at the timer on my left wrist. I didn’t choses for it to be like this, if I could pick I wouldn’t have one at all.

it seems wrong to know when I will meet her, I feel as if it should be a surprise, not something perfectly planned out since the day I was born.

I quickly rolled down my bracelets making sure to cover the timer, I didn’t like people knowing, maybe in some twisted way I thought they could manipulate me.

Today I was particularly upset by this system.

0000d 2hrs 27m 5s.

"Matt come on we have to head down to the venue now." I looked up at Nash standing at the doorway. He didn’t know. No one knew that today was the day I was going to meet my "soulmate" for the first time. No one but me.

I sighed and lazily sat up from my seat and headed out toward the elevator, grabbing my phone and room key on the way out.

We stood in silence back stage, waiting for all the boys before going out for the meet and greet.

Once we were all ready to begin the announcer began calling us up on stage on by one. we stood in our order, hearing the girls scream as each boy was called up.

"Matthew Espinosa!" my name was called and I ran up the stairs and onto the main stage. Cheers erupted from the crown and I looked around in awe at the amount of people here.

I stood in the back watching the rest of the boys called up and smiled to myself, I’m really lucky to be where I am.

For the next two hours we pretty much just jumped around acting like mental cases and meet a lot of fans.

I couldn’t help but glance at the timers on the wrists of each girl I meet, wondering if maybe they were the one but each time I did they didn’t match the one I hade hidden.

By this time the show was over and everyone had left.

0000d 00h  01m 34s

I walked across the stage, sitting at the edge and dangled my legs over the front staring out into the empty arena.

0000d 00h 00m 28s

There’s less then 30s left before I meet my soulmate and here I am, sitting on the edge of a stage, alone.

10 seconds.

I hear foot steps running down the hall and the faint sound of a girl talking.

8 seconds.

" I think I dropped my phone back here.." The girl said, her voice now louder then before.

5 seconds.

My palms begin to sweat and I feel my heart rate pick up.

3..

2..

1..

The door at the end of the room flew opened to reveal the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

Her eyes quickly meet mine and she glanced down at the timer on her wrist and began to blush furiously. I smiled

" So do you need any help finding you phone? "

 

I love and hate you all okay

My feels holy shit

(Source: illness-and-instruments)

marauders4evr:

Hesitation
All eyes were turned to the squirming boy on the stool. The hat was partially covering his face but they could see his worried frown. The seconds seemed to crawl by.
Sirius Black was especially interested in this student. He could barely see over the cluster of heads. He half-rose from his seat, only to be stopped by a comforting hand on his shoulder. James gave him a sympathetic look and Sirius sank back down, realizing that there was nothing he could do.
By now, a good minute had passed. A smile slowly spread across Sirius’ face, as if the verdict had already been announced.
Finally, the hat came to life and a single word echoed though the hall:
"SLYTHERIN!"
He sadly nodded and James squeezed his shoulder. And yet, despite his sorrow, Sirius continued to smile as Regulus toook the hat off and raced over to the table clad in green and grey.
"Sorry, mate," Remus murmured.
Sirius waved his hand and remarked, “Ah, I knew that he was going to get sorted into Slytherin.”
His friends stared at him, unable to hide their confusion.
"Then," Peter whispered, "Why are you smiling?"
"Because," Sirius proudly said, "The hat hesitated." marauders4evr:

Hesitation
All eyes were turned to the squirming boy on the stool. The hat was partially covering his face but they could see his worried frown. The seconds seemed to crawl by.
Sirius Black was especially interested in this student. He could barely see over the cluster of heads. He half-rose from his seat, only to be stopped by a comforting hand on his shoulder. James gave him a sympathetic look and Sirius sank back down, realizing that there was nothing he could do.
By now, a good minute had passed. A smile slowly spread across Sirius’ face, as if the verdict had already been announced.
Finally, the hat came to life and a single word echoed though the hall:
"SLYTHERIN!"
He sadly nodded and James squeezed his shoulder. And yet, despite his sorrow, Sirius continued to smile as Regulus toook the hat off and raced over to the table clad in green and grey.
"Sorry, mate," Remus murmured.
Sirius waved his hand and remarked, “Ah, I knew that he was going to get sorted into Slytherin.”
His friends stared at him, unable to hide their confusion.
"Then," Peter whispered, "Why are you smiling?"
"Because," Sirius proudly said, "The hat hesitated."

marauders4evr:

Hesitation

All eyes were turned to the squirming boy on the stool. The hat was partially covering his face but they could see his worried frown. The seconds seemed to crawl by.

Sirius Black was especially interested in this student. He could barely see over the cluster of heads. He half-rose from his seat, only to be stopped by a comforting hand on his shoulder. James gave him a sympathetic look and Sirius sank back down, realizing that there was nothing he could do.

By now, a good minute had passed. A smile slowly spread across Sirius’ face, as if the verdict had already been announced.

Finally, the hat came to life and a single word echoed though the hall:

"SLYTHERIN!"

He sadly nodded and James squeezed his shoulder. And yet, despite his sorrow, Sirius continued to smile as Regulus toook the hat off and raced over to the table clad in green and grey.

"Sorry, mate," Remus murmured.

Sirius waved his hand and remarked, “Ah, I knew that he was going to get sorted into Slytherin.”

His friends stared at him, unable to hide their confusion.

"Then," Peter whispered, "Why are you smiling?"

"Because," Sirius proudly said, "The hat hesitated."

wessasaurus-rex:

prozdvoices:

Anonymous said:

Hey dude I love your dramatic readings. Anyway, can you read the name of every state in America in the most seductive way possible? In alphabetical order please.

what the fuck

Why

Well, OKAY.

Saying the Names of All 50 States in Alphabetical OrderSeductively

image

HOT DAMN 

Played 759433 times.

ricardosminaj:

Nicki Minaj speaking the truth on twitter about racism (7/23/14)

teamfreekickass:

maetaurus:

lordofthescience:

royaltyspeaking:

How to tell if it was a gunshot or fireworks: gunshots don’t echo, fireworks do.

thaNK YOU SO MUCH

i feel like this is cheating at the gunshot or firework game

Unfortunately, that method is not always right, as gunshots…